How to Operate a Microwave - The Chinese version

The photo may look similar to a lot of kitchenettes in the US dorms. And it is.
It is a microwave. 
Now that it is getting cold and I hate biking in the winter, I have taken to packing my dinner during lunch and bringing it home. Hence the need to heat up my food before eating it. I have hardly spent time in front of the microwave in China. And I have been in the kitchen a couple of times, which also houses the laundry but never had to spend more than a minute. Now, that I have to heat up cold food, I am spending more time in front of the microwave. And honestly, reading the instructions is way more entertaining than playing another game of Word Warp on my phone. Till now using the microwave was easy - open, stuff food in, punch a button/turn the dial, take food out and make sure not to burn your fingers.
But in China, you need to follow a lot more instructions. Some of which may require acquiring a ruler.

I really did not want to type up ALL SIXTEEN of the bullet points, so here are some of my favorites:

1. Please stop using when the outer cover, door were broken
     Wouldn't it just stop working if the door were broken?

2.You can't cover the persiennes, so as to control the temperature
    Persiennes is defined as "outside window shutters having louvres to keep out the sun while    
    ventilation" Also called Persian blinds. (French word) 
    I had to google the meaning of Persiennes to figure out that the instruction means to not cover the     
    back of the microwave as temperature control. Still doesn't make sense technically, but still....

3. Please don't startup the microwave when it is empty. It's very harmful to the microwave if idle running
     I thought you would want less radiation from the microwave affecting humans, but no, here, the  
     microwave running is *very harmful* to the microwave itself

4. It can't hit up the fresh and cooked eggs, please break the yolks when you fry them. Or they will explode.
     Self explanatory - no "hit up" = EXPLOSION !!!

5. Please use the slow fire when you hit up the waterless food or un-heat-resisting package
     Microwaves are supposed to use waves, not fire, or so I thing. 

6. Ensure the food is >3.5 cm shorter than top of the container
     Not 3cm or 4cm, it is specifically noted to be 3.5 cm.(This is where a ruler would come handy)
     I am assuming there might be an EXPLOSION otherwise. 

7. You should stay 1m away from the microwave.
     1m = 3.3 ft. Need I say more?

The rest of the instructions are below.
And I live in the International student dorm, the best dorm on campus.
But hey, I am not complaining, despite the wacky instructions we get to have a microwave on each floor and that means I can conserve body heat by not having to bike to the dining halls when it is freezing outside.